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Posts Tagged ‘pondering’

my identity?

I guess I should be thinking about whether to post pictures of myself on the blog. I suppose it is inevitable. It is a daunting prospect especially as I’m not a very confident person.

I have been browsing sites like Look Book and Chictopia for ideas. I am in absolute awe of the photography and sheer enthusiasm for style and colours. To say I’m addicted to looking at people’s interpretation of fashion is a complete understatement.

I’m 31, so no spring chicken and a fair bit of weight to lose. I don’t think I’m ugly I don’t but can’t bare others to have an opinion of me right now, not even a positive opinion. That is bizarre and shows me just how ridiculous this horrible stage I am in, is.

I haven’t always been like this and have a wardrobe full of stuff I just don’t wear. I live in jeans, walking boots and rain jacket to walk the couple of miles to school. A rut huh? Today I am going to go through my old stuff, throw away and hopefully spark some enthusiasm for the pieces I do have.

Hair? Oh hair is my real problem. Like I said below I cut it fairly short at the beginning of the year. This is what I’m concentrating on now. Styling this mop I have left myself with.

Audrey Hepburn. Wow. I am going to model myself of her styles, from very short pixie (her fringe moreĀ  so) as that is kind of how my fringe looks just now but hair tied back

then maybe sleeked right back until it has more length on it. Only when I can get some lenses and get rid of my glasses.

A beautiful lady.

You know looking at these photographs has made me realise that a hairstyle doesn’t make you. you make you and no matter what you look like you will never be happy unless you love yourself. I need to love myself.

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Born, right now, is my blog.. the diary of a frugaliciously chic mum.

I need to write a blog because I need to write down my feelings in order to help myself. I’m feeling down, very down. The kind of down where you think you really need to get a grip of yourself because it’s not that bad that you can’t sort it before you need further help. I do know the difference between ‘being down’ and depressed.. I’m not depressed, yet.

I’ll write a little background about myself. I gave up work to look after my two little children so money is increasingly tight. Austerity? It feels like it’s gone beyond that. The thing is I’m trapped because I’m inĀ  my second year of a psychology degree, this combined with being a mum makes time for a part time job next to impossible so we have had to cut right back and accept that the money we have is just that, all we have.

I’ve never been a ‘yummy mummy’ and to be honest I don’t aspire to be one but I have lost my way. I feel scruffy and unkempt. In March this year I thought I could cut my own hair and cut a lot of it off. I really dislike my hair short, it was a mistake and I deeply regret it. I wear contacts normally but it’s an extra expense so now and for the past 6 months I wear my glasses daily. I’m stuck in a rut, that’s getting me down and passing on my passive, can’t be bothered nature onto my children.

There is no way out of this other than find bargains and make do and mend what I do have. I think what I must do is make an effort at least for now. I’m 12 stone 7lbs in weight and my already quiet/shy nature is turning me into an unconfident recluse.

I’m ready to get myself out of this, how I’m going to do it remains to be seen but I will get better, thinner and chic’er… with the help of this blog.

The Diary Of A Frugaliciously Chic Mum. Hello and welcome to my blog *mwah.

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